I decided to write a post about relocation.
It’s no secret that I didn’t had a special desire to move to the US, like many Israelis.
I had home sick for the last 3 years. And yet I enjoyed – I experienced – and now I wonder if I would do it again.
My post about the things I don’t like about the US drew a lot of sympathy, but also a lot of angry reactions from Israelis who live there.
But that’s understandable. Once you made this huge decision, made a great sacrifice, left your home and family, got the not so glamorous title “immigrant” – the last thing you want to hear (or read for that matter) is that the place you gave up everything for, is actually not fantastic.
Warning: this goanna be this kind of a post. About the not very sexy things, that no one will tell you about relocation.
Work Makes You Free
Most of the women I knew who moved to the US through the husband relocation didn’t work. The work visas who given to the husband do not allow to the spouse to work.
We knew this and I was deeply concerned about this matter. I work from the age of 16. I love being active and busy.
Many have told me “You got a chance to take a break from life – take advantage of it !! Go to the gym, paint, read books and travel! You don’t have to work to be busy!”
So I went to the gym, I read, drew, hiked a lot and still, when we arrived, I was depressed.
That’s how this blog was born: it gave me a sense of meaning.
Money Is Not Growing On Trees
We didn’t know about the cost of living in the US. Believe it or not, but in Israel everyone think everything in the US is very cheap.
And most of the people who have been there won’t tell you how expensive the US. It is not sexy to think about the US as an expensive country.
It is the land of unlimited possibilities- and right when you land there someone will give you a yacht.
Cellphone line costs will cost you $ 70 (while in Israel is about $13). An average and not very fast internet line will cost you $ 80 (while in Israel is about $25). And then there are these wise people who will establish like they know that the salaries are much higher – so no. the salaries are not higher.
Most of the women I met don’t work there. In the beginning I thought they are staying home because the husband’s salary is usually very high so they don’t have to work. The reality is that the kindergartens are very, very expensive. And it just cheaper to stay home with your toddlers rather send them to daycare.
Traveling in the US is one of the great things I have ever experienced. The fuel is cheap, the shopping is cheap, fast food is cheap. But vegetables, fruits and cost of living are not cheap at all. And I don’t know about you guys, but I buy more red bell peppers rather than shirts.
The truth is that in the first year we were there, before Dima got a new job offer and we moved to Milwaukee, our financial situation was really bad. Before we moved we didn’t know they’d cut so many taxes and we would end up with small salary – this is America- everyone gets rich here.
Friends
This is a very sensitive issue and not often talked about, very unsexy topic. It’s not easy to make friends (both Americans and Israelis) in the US. Americans don’t welcome foreigners easily, which is funny because it’s a country of immigrants. Israelis also do not accept Israelis easily there, especially people who have been there for a long time.
In Arizona we had a few friends who were really good friends but beyond that every time we got to the Israeli community event, we felt the arrogance of a lot of people “We’ve been here for 20 years” – oh well, good for you. Your husband is a locksmith in the last 20 years in America, but why you have to be such a snob about it?
At first, I thought we are doing something wrong, maybe we are not friendly enough, after all we all heard the stories about the Israelis abroad, and how they are like a big family. But then my cousin experienced a similar thing in San Diego and also a good friend of mine experienced a similar thing in LA.
Israeli to Israeli people were snobby and not friendly or nice and it was disappointing and very breaking mentaly.
In Milwaukee the situation was completely different.
When we just arrived to Milwaukee it was a Memorial Day ceremony at JCC.
I literally attacked a woman there who looked like a nice person and asked her if she want to be my friend. And know what? She was a great friend (still is). A warm and kind lady who made me feel right at home.
I’m not sure why, but socially we had more fun in Mid-West rather than the West.
We had more good friends, Israelis and Americans.
When we got back to Arizona, I already had Noam and I desperately wanted him to have friends. I would go to the library with him several times a week.
I already got to know the faces of the mothers. I thought to myself “They don’t work, they are here with me in the library, they have kids in Noam’s age, and our house is big and we have a lot of toys, so everyone can come, and it will be fun” – I thought innocently. This thought pushed me to do a brave act: ask them for phone number to set Play Date.
They were all happy and smiling “Sure ya! That will great!” I was so glad, and relieved that I didn’t make myself a fool.
After a while, I sent them a friendly text that they are all invited to Play Date in our house.
They all rejected the invitation, two of them didn’t respond. I was ashamed and embarrassed. I never felt an immigrant with a stranger accent like I felt in this moment, and just wanted to go home.
“I have friends !! Good ones!!” That’s what I wanted to tell them. I wanted to tell them I didn’t really need them, I just wanted my Noam will have company. But I just node politely to say hello when I saw them in the library. Needless to say, after that I didn’t try to make new friends again.
He is my lobster
Relationship at Relocation is the most amazing thing in my opinion. You get to know your partner in every possible way. The almost complete of alone, checks boundaries and redefines the relationship.
In Israel, each of us had his friends, and it was perfectly legitimate to meet them individually.
When we arrived in the US, Dima was invited many times after work to join baseball games, or go to a bar. But he never left me alone. Even when I told him it is okay, he didn’t agree. And I was grateful I didn’t have to stay alone for another two hours.
We came in different approaches: He wanted to stay forever and I wanted to go back home right after we landed.
Over time, I began to see the great things and he began to realize that America was not what he thought nor what everyone told us.
And we were to the same point: we are staying as long as we are having fun, after that we are going back home.
We are best friends who complete sentences, talk telepathy, know laugh about everything, and know how to handle with every situation.
Clueless But Grateful
People tend to say that they would do everything the same. They also tend to say that they don’t regret anything- and in my case I honestly don’t know yet. Cause to be frank it was very challenging.
Being apart from our family and friends was very hard.
Another challenge is to live with is “the curse of the immigrant”- knowing that there is a place, that in a lot of aspects is better. That no one honks on the road, that there is always parking everywhere, and everyone is polite and nice. I envy in the peace and quiet that the US is offering. Not in fancy cars and the big houses.
Then I think, would I give up everything we experienced? What about the great people I got to know? Would I give up all the magnificent landscapes and unique places we saw and visit? These places are so special that I would never visit them if I was just a tourist.
I still do not know If I would do it all again. Right now, I’m just happy to be home. Where the fuel is expensive, and there is no functioning government, but there are family, friends and food that actually taste good.
Although my blog was open as a response to my boredom in the US, I discover that I love to share recipes, and my pearls of wisdom with you!
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